Please remove your crotch from my face.

If that title didn't make you do a double-take, then I don't know what else would. Also, sorry to disappoint as for what this post is actually all about. Considering the rather vast and mysterious sex scene and industry in Tokyo, you might have expected something a little more titillating. Today, we're discussing public transportation.

The seating in the trains in Tokyo are set up so that the seats line the sides of the car and you sit facing the other side of the train. This allows for a maximum amount of standing room down the center of the car and at each of the set of doors. If you're one of the many standing passengers, you stake your place out in front of some, more fortunate seated person and grab hold of the hand strap that hangs from overhead. Once you've assumed your position, it is your responsibility to stay as upright as possible and not allow the sudden movements or soft sways of the train to topple you onto said seated person's lap. Seems fair enough, right?

But, as with any rule of etiquette, there are certainly those who are either unlearned in the ways of the sways or who just don't give a damn/are socially inept. In the case of The Bad Hand Strap Holder, these people are almost exclusively men. (I have, in fact, never seen a woman so blatantly and offensively violate these rules, but since I can't say anything is 100%, I qualify with "almost.")

So precisely what (double-entendre here) gross violation am I speaking of? It usually happens like this: Some rather lonely, unshowered-looking guy gets on the train late at night. So, the excuse is that he's tired, I guess. He takes position in front of some innocent bystander. Of course, in my case, I happen to be a girl. I don't know if the guy intentionally picks girls because he's a perv or if he's genuinely so inept and is just randomly picking a spot on the train to hang. Anyway, he takes hold of the strap and proceeds to not try to hold himself upright and basically goes with the sways of the train. Meaning, he's swaying his eye-level crotch back and forth right in front of the seated passenger's face!! And he definitely gets inside the personal space zone that is unwritten but definitely known about on the train. I swear, the last time this happened, I was tempted to punch the loser in his huevos!

Anyway, city living, huh?