A Desk of One's Own

I've had desks all my life. Desks to study at, desks to read at, desks to draw at, desks to type at, desks to play computer games at. You get the picture. I've had desks for many, many purposes.

To date, the best desk I've ever had was in Washington, DC, between fall of 2000 and spring of 2001. I bought this massive, huge slab of desk at Ikea, it was probably as big as a door. It had a small set of drawers hanging off one side and then beautiful, blank open space. I piled books, journal article printouts, class folders, tons of wire-ring notebooks filled with my scribbled notes from classes with fancy and inspiring names like "The US in World Affairs" (I wrote my infamous Hawaiian independence paper for that class), "Analysis of US Foreign Policy" (the paper for this class was published in an undergraduate research journal), "Intro to IR Research" (there was literally one piece of existing research on the topic I developed for this class... my paper did not add much to that though, sadly), and "Emerging Issues in Intelligence" (we had former spies as guest lecturers!). I felt so smart and productive at that desk and, you know, I got shit done.

Yes, the shit got done with lots of sleepless nights, lots of tears (once in front of a professor, not a high point in my academic career), traumatic reading assignments (read My Traitor's Heart and you will never see this world the same again... bawling, I tell you, baaaawling, Maggie knows what I'm talking about), but, nonetheless, at the end of the day, my shit got done. I had all my papers and my printer and my laptop on that desk and there was still room to set down a bottle of grape soda and some take out (thank you Kozmo.com, you are missed) and hunker down for some Sims and laughs with Maggie or wait for Katy to finish whipping up something amazing in the kitchen. My flamenco shoes and castanetas were probably thrown in there for good measure somewhere along the way. Then came graduation and the desk got a new mom, but it will always have a special place in my heart.

When I moved to Tokyo in 2006, with a blank canvas for an apartment, I wanted to create a writing space for myself. I'd never had a desk to write at; just a clear, clean, simple space, with perhaps a pretty view or something calm to look at, with sun, so I could sit down and type or scribble away like a wannabe Jane Austen or George Sands or Jo March or some other iconic female writer (not Virginia Woolf, she's too sad). Of course, the desk I'd had at college would've taken up practically my entire apartment in Tokyo, so I had to downsize a bit, but that was okay. How much space do you need to write... right? Apparently, I need a lot. All that other crap that I stowed on my giant desk has found residence on my mini-desk, to the point that the desk is just there to hold up the junk rather than to sit at and write.

I did okay with it for a while in the beginning. I even bought myself a little plant with pretty yellow flowers on it. But the plant soon died and the papers grew. There are piles of them now. I go through them every once in a while, but, at this point, I think they're winning.

I got rid of my TV recently and cleaned off my "dining table" (a.k.a. junk-holder-upper part deux), so now the top is clear and there are even pretty candles and candleholders on it... but underneath, the mess resides and heaves and grows and reproduces somehow. My "undertable" is a quasi-storage area for all the bags (duffle bags, weekend travel bags, travel backpacks, computer backpacks, etc. ... it's more than just a little reminiscent of Bubba and his shrimp list).

So, this is how I find myself, dear reader, late at night, hunched up in bed, with my little netbook nestled against my thighs and my hands and arms braced against my torso so that I can "comfortably" type this little post instead of elegantly or tragically or dramatically or at least comically sat at my little writing desk drafting prose that would bring tears. I must remember the words of encouragement given to me by my choreography teacher a few years ago when I was certain I'd never be able to finish choreographing my first dance without time in a big studio with real live dancers in front of me. She said (yes, Virginia, this is really true), "Remember, Paula Abdul choreographed her first dance for the Laker Girls in front of her bathroom mirror." I know it's funny and dated (and impossible not to link to the now infamous Paula, she of the "Straight Up" and "Opposites Attract" and, sadly, crazy silliness of American Idol), but, in a way, it's actually good advice.

Not having an ideal writing space isn't the end of the world and making it so is just an excuse for an excuse to not write. I don't know if I'll ever get that just right (write) writing space and desk that's clean and clear with a comfy chair and just waiting, jumping, bubbling, begging to help foster all my thoughts to come out of my head, through my arm and my hand, and onto a page (all this amazing writing would of course be put to journals for the benefit of posterity). In the meantime, if Paula could do it, then so can I.

Lotus Root (Renkon) Tofu Stir-Fry

This one is easy to make and eat (with or without rice).

Ingredients (all the measurements are guesstimates):
1 big lotus root/renkon (or 2 smaller ones), peeled, large dice
1/2 a medium onion, diced
1 package fried tofu, cubed
1 tbsp sesame oil
1 tsp dried chili pepper (adjust according to taste)
salt, to taste
water
slivered almonds (optional)
Indonesian sweet soy sauce

1. Heat oil, add lotus root.
2. Add chili pepper, salt.
3. Saute for 10 minutes, until the lotus root has started to brown.
4. Add onion, saute a few minutes.
5. Add tofu, saute until cut sides of tofu start to brown.
6. Add water, a little bit at a time. This is to help cook the lotus root. There just needs to be enough to get a little bit of simmer going. Stir until the water is absorbed. Taste a piece of lotus root to check crunchiness-level. I like my lotus root still pretty crunchy, so I only do this water thing maybe two or three times. For softer lotus root, go through this water thing maybe three or four times.
   
7. Add Indonesian sweet soy sauce, stir.
8. Add almonds (could also be peanuts or cashews).
   
9. Saute maybe 2 more minutes to give the sauce a chance to be absorbed.
10. Serve and enjoy!
    

Clearly based on these photos, I do not have a future in food photography. But, trust me, it's yum and relatively healthy (esp. if you ditch the rice or have it with brown rice).

"Mexican" Bruschetta

Sorry, the name for the recipe is lame, but it's the best I could do (it's cuz of the garlic and avocado). Olé.

This one is easy and seriously, holy shize, OMG tasty.

"Mexican" Bruschetta

Ingredients:

Some good lookin' tomatoes (not too sweet), diced
Fresh basil, rinsed and roughly chopped
1 ripe avocado, diced
Fresh mozzarella (not the hard stuff), diced
Crushed garlic (I use the stuff from the tube or the jar... again, I'm anti-stinky fingers)
A couple glugs of olive oil
Salt and pepper

Note: This salad is best served with all ingredients at room temperature. Yes, the cheese, too. Trust me. It won't kill you. I think (this is my disclaimer).

Serve on top of (toasted) French bread rounds or homemade olive oil croutons (this is easy too, recipe below).

Total time: less than 10 mins
(i.e., good to make when you're starving and want food that isn't pizza or other junk fast, or if you're invited to a picnic and you don't want to cook something that involves fire)

1. Put diced tomatoes into a medium-sized bowl, add a little salt.
2. Add basil, mozzarella, garlic, olive oil, pepper.
3. Add avocado and gently mix into salad.
4. Eat with bread!

Olive oil croutons:
French bread, sliced into 1/4 inch rounds
(Garlic, optional)
Olive oil
Salt

Use your fingers or a paper towel (or a brush, if you're fancy) to lightly coat one side of French bread rounds. Rub with a little garlic if so inclined (or if you already have stinky fingers). Lightly sprinkle with salt. Toast on both sides (wet side up first). Eat. Done.

Root Vegetable Stew (with dumplings)

The other night, I happened to get home before the vegetable shop next door to my apartment building closed, so I decided to go over and see if anything interesting was on offer.

I immediately spotted a bundle of medium-sized カブ (turnips). I recognized the katakana as a veggie I had eaten and enjoyed at some restaurant in Japan at some point since I moved here (for the life of me, I can't remember when or where). I've never cooked with turnips before, but they've always sounded like something yummy that people in fairy tales eat (doesn't it seem like every soup in a parable contains turnips?), so I thought I'd give them a try. Anyway, my interest was piqued, so I decided to stock up on some other stuff (mostly root veggies).

I'm a "throw in whatever's lying around" kind of cook, so apologies in advance for the vagueness of the recipe--all measurements are guesstimates. This recipe could easily be modified to be vegan, just sub soymilk for the milk and up the olive oil amount or sub margarine. Total cooking time, including prep and simmering was probably an hour.

Ingredients:

5 medium-sized turnips, peeled, cubed, without greens

1 medium-sized onion

1 carrot, peeled, cubed

1/4 of a kabocha, unpeeled, cubed

2 fingerling sweet potatoes (or 1/2 a regular-sized sweet potato), peeled, cubed

glug of olive oil

2 tbsp butter

1 cube vegetable bouillon

1 tbsp french whole grain mustard (or any Dijon-type mustard)

3/4 c. milk

3/4 c. barley

3/4 c. fake meat flakes (I don't know a better way to describe this, but click here to see what I used).

Water

Seasonings:

Salt, pepper, turmeric, cayenne pepper, cinnamon, parsley, basil, agave (or any sweetener)-- use all of these to taste. I used a lot of the parsley and basil to balance out the heaviness of the stew. I've got a whole rack of spices that I've inherited from people who've left Japan, so I just pulled what I thought would be good in a "I think I might be getting a cold, so I want something hearty and warm" stew.

How to:

1. Saute onions in olive oil until they're just turning transparent.
   
2. Add butter, let melt.
3. Add turnips, carrot, kabocha, and sweet potatoes. Stir occasionally so that all of it gets a chance to cook through and brown.
   
4. Add salt, pepper, bouillon cube. Saute mix for about 10 mins, until turnips are mostly cooked.
   
5. Stir in mushrooms, cook until mostly done.
   
6. Add barley and fake meat to get them started cooking so they cook faster after the water is added and they can take on the flavor of the veggies. Saute 2 mins.
7. Add water to cover plus an inch. You'll add water one or two more times as the barley and fake meat soak it up.
   
8. Add seasonings to taste.
9. Keep at a high simmer until barley is fully cooked, add water as needed.
10. Finally, when the barley is done and it seems like you'd need to add more water to make it all less thick, add milk. Let that simmer for a minute more.
11. Eat!

Here's the easy dumpling recipe I used: http://dinner-recipes.suite101.com/article.cfm/dumplings. The green stuff on the dumplings is the herbs from the stew.

I decided to see how this recipe would do as biscuits, so I dropped rounds of dough into a buttered muffin tin. The results:

They turned out too hard to really make good biscuits (though anything is improved with butter and gravy or butter and honey, right?). This recipe definitely needs the steam that comes from the stew/soup to make the dumplings light and tasty.

Summer Lovin'

My friends Bonnie, Marianne, and I have rented a summer house near the beach in Chigasaki, a beach town about an hour from where I live in Tokyo. This place has become my weekend haven, a place to escape the insanity of work, which keeps piling on, and the fast-paced, sadly lacking in that sea smell city that is Tokyo. You'd think a city that is technically built near the ocean would smell more of sea, but it doesn't. So, I need to take the train for an hour to get that lovely, familiar mix of ocean water and drying seaweed.

The sand here is volcanic, so it's dark and hot. It makes everything look a little dirty. But I like it, it's not the kind of sand to get too fancy schmancy on you. You've got to be okay with roughing it a bit to spend a day on these beaches 'cause all your clothes, towels, skin, hair, inside of your ears will get gritty and brown.

This past weekend marked the start of jellyfish season and, although there were several of us playing in the super calm water, I was the only one who got stung... and stung... and stung... and stung! I'll be swimming fully clothed from now until the middle of September.

On Sunday, I didn't get to the beach until late. I got in a few choice hours of swimming and sunning (and stinging). I finished two magazines. I listened to hours of Billie Holiday. I watched dogs kayak and people play fetch (frisbee). I saw ladies doing yoga on the beach when it got cooler (though it stayed that perfect summer night warm). And then I watched the sunset with Mount Fuji showing up at just the last moments of the day.

Facebook Export?

Facebook (FB) makes it sooo easy to share articles, thoughts, etc., that I wish I could set it to do a reverse of its blog/note import function: wouldn't it be great if, instead of weighing down my FB page (and, thus, my friends' newsfeeds) with all the articles I come across and want to remember or comment on, I could post them to FB and then set all that stuff to cross-post only to this blog? Often, I find myself reading articles that I want to either read later because I find them when I don't have time to stop to read them and want to save them for later, or that I want to comment on/start a discussion without taking over my friends' FB newsfeeds.

The collection of articles, rants, commentaries, etc., that would be birthed if I were completely unfettered by my fear of overloading people's FB feeds seems like it would be my own personal HuffPo/Jezebel/Google Reader. When I post articles (about half the time with some little comment), I usually do so for my own use--like I said, to read later. So, I'm always sort of surprised when I get a discussion going on FB prompted by other people seeing the article posting, finding it likewise interesting and chinwag-worthy, and dropping in their own comments/thoughts/rants on the topic. It's so rare that these kinds of discussions take place in real life, it seems, that sometimes it's like I have a more diverse menu of conversations in FB world than in the Real World (Truuuue storeeey! Okay, if you didn't watch MTV's the Real World religiously in the mid-90s, as I did, then you won't get that reference. Sorry. But here's a friendly clip to help you out. Rad.)

With the news that FB is getting set to launch its baby into the public sphere--and, by "its baby," I mean, of course, our entire personal lives and thoughts as shared on FB's servers--this could either present itself as an opportunity to make a thousand little, one-man HuffPos, or... kill the crack addiction that is FB that has taken over so many of our lives.

What do you think? Should I take my FB posting show on the road and try to convert this blog into something more inclusive? Or should I keep it as self-indulgent and self-(or Obama-) obsessed as it was originally intended? Is this asking questions of the ones of people out there reading this blog a stupid idea?

Cool Site: Crap Email from a Dude

The title of the blog, "Crap Email from a Dude," is pretty self-explanatory... and as hilarious and disturbing as you might expect it to be. Seriously, where do these guys get off and how can they actually be real?? The stories range from the guy who thought the girl had given him an STD after they made out a couple times (yes, seriously) (May I suggest giving the Savage Lovecast a listen?) to the guy who pleaded with the girl he had impregnated to consider how old she would look in her 30s after years as a single mom as encouragement to get an abortion. I'll give you a moment with that.





Basically, "Crap Email from a Dude" is enough to scare the straight right out of a girl if only we weren't born this way. Read these literary odes to crapdom here.

Image: A screen shot from the movie, "Fast Times at Ridgemont High," a visual ode to crappy, creepy guys and staple of basic cable on Saturday afternoons.

Sinus as Weather Girl

I think my left sinus can tell when it's going to rain.

Or, maybe it's just another sinus infection. Sorry, I know that's gross, maybe even an overshare, but my left sinus is killing me while the clouds are hostilely threatening to unload on Tokyo!

You may or may not know that last October, I had to have sinus surgery to remove a cyst from my left sinus. I figured out that there was a cyst by becoming the most annoyingly persistent patient ever, seeing doctor after doctor to figure out what was causing the crazy headaches that started up just about this time last year. Finally, a smarty-pants neurologist had me do a sinus MRI (this after the frickin ENT specialist at another hospital said there was nothing wrong and it was all in my head... the ephemeral part, not the physical part... stupid, arrogant doctor), and, voila, there it was, like a spider's nest had been woven in my left sinus. (I know that's a disturbing image, but I already warned you that we might be having an overshare moment... and, I'm proud to say, I can get pretty gross... Alisa can vouch for me.)

Image: I totally have pictures of my head that look this.

Anyway, this is all just to say how much I've realized that I could never live in Seattle. Rainy season is killing me and I'm becoming one of those annoying people who talks about how nice the weather is when there's even a little bit of sun peeking from around the clouds, and insists on eating lunch outside with convenience store fare balanced precariously on one knee instead of inside at a nice, raised-from-the-ground table.

Oh, and my hair is not pleased either.

Emails to My Elected Officials Regarding Single-Payer Healthcare in the US

As the President (that is still so cool!) prepares to work with Congress to fix the US' terrible health care system, we Americans abroad have begun our own work to help all our representatives (even the Republican ones... yeah, I'll own John Campbell) back home in the fight over a single-payer system at best and, at worst, at least a public option.

Below are the two email versions I sent to Senator Diane Feinstein, Senator Barbara Boxer, Representative John Campbell, and, my boy, POTUS (the letter was too long for the White House online email system, so I sent it snail mail and said a response via email was fine). I slightly altered the one I sent to my US Rep because he's a Republican and I didn't think touting my Dem street cred would do much to help me there. Please feel free to take these as inspiration for your own emails to your representatives in Congress. My only requirement is that if you use either of these letters, please let me know.


To The Democrats:

Dear [Democrat's Name],

I am writing to you to discuss the necessity of including a single-payer option in the health care debate (and, hopefully, solution), or, at the very least, a public option.

I grew up in California, but have been fortunate enough to live overseas for a short time in my childhood and for half of my adult life. Having personally experienced the health care systems in the US, France, and Japan (as an adult, responsible for my own health care programs, insurance, doctor/hospital choices, etc.), I can say without question or doubt in my mind that having a single-payer system is the best possible option for the American people. I have had surgeries and hospital stays in the US and Japan, I have visited doctors and specialists in all three countries, I have PAID for insurance in all three countries, and in each of these cases, I assure you that the United States' health insurance and health care system has come in as the least user-friendly, least wallet-friendly, and, most importantly, least available and accessible.

I currently live in Japan (but am registered to vote, and exercise that right, from overseas). Here, I have access to not only the top doctors and hospitals in the country, but these doctors also speak English and their organizations have tie-ins with several major American medical institutions (including Johns Hopkins Medicine International). So, for the cost of about $XXXX per year (an amount based on my income level), I have insurance that I know can never be rescinded; access to almost any doctor in Japan (there are a small number of doctors who cater almost exclusively to the typical expat community, most of whom have private insurance); pay only 30% co-pay (the final amount of which is usually not very much because of the negotiated rates between the government and health service providers) on doctor visits, dentist visits, hospital stays, and prescriptions; and have the comfort of knowing that, no matter how bad my medical condition might be, I won’t have to worry about it also causing debilitating debt.

My family back in the States is struggling with the costs of their individual insurance and I, myself, am afraid to let the costly individual insurance (more than twice what I pay in Japan for far inferior coverage) I have maintained back in the States lapse for fear of never being able to qualify again when I return home. For the time being, I do, in a sense, feel trapped outside the States, unable to return home because of the exorbitant costs as well as the uncertainty of American insurance coverage.

I have been a registered Democrat since the day I turned 18 and was raised in a proud Democrat household. I have voted Democrat in every election I’ve ever participated in. I am very active in Democrats Abroad in Japan—I work closely with our country committee chair, the Asia-Pacific regional chair, and as Chair of the Young Democrats Abroad Japan group. One of the reasons I have stood by the party and my elected officials all these years and worked so tirelessly to register Americans abroad to vote from overseas last year is because I care so much about the lives and well-being of my fellow citizens and I have always believed that the Democrats have the best plans to achieve the best possible quality of life for Americans. However, living overseas, I have come to learn that access to reliable, affordable, quality healthcare is not a privilege, but a right. Without a single-payer option, the United States Congress and President are letting down their constituents, their neighbors, their family members, their friends… all Americans.

The positive consequences of a single-payer system extend beyond just Americans’ every day lives and health needs. How productive could our country be if people didn’t need to choose between paying the electricity bill and paying their insurance premium? How much more could we contribute to innovation and the global economy if every man, woman, and child in American was assured of their access to a doctor without the risk of being overwhelmed by the costs of such a visit? How much more secure would we be if the people charged with overseeing our airports, seaports, and other entry points didn’t need to worry about a loved one’s illness either bankrupting their family’s coffers or, worse yet, not even being able to get their child the best care because of prohibitively costly fees?

I work at the research arm of the Asian Development Bank in Tokyo and so, through my job, have the opportunity to see the difference developed infrastructure systems can make for economic growth and productivity. Health care is a form of soft infrastructure that is woefully lacking in most of my organization’s member countries. The United States is one of the most developed countries in the world, if not the most developed, and, yet, when it comes to our health care system, we are sadly lagging behind other industrialized countries, putting us at an economic and political disadvantage (Because what besides our health can affect the other parts of our lives so completely?) not only vis-à-vis our developed economic competitors, but even in terms of our competitors in emerging markets.

I urge you, in this letter and with my vote, to support a single-payer health care system in the upcoming behemoth of a debate over how to right this too long-standing wrong. Please take courage, comfort, and support in knowing that there are thousands of other Californians overseas who have shared my experience and who also support a single-payer system.

If you would like to hear specific stories about the health care experiences of Americans overseas, please stop by the blog Americans Abroad Know About National Health Care (http://healthcareforamerica.blogspot.com/).

Thank you for your hard work representing Californians… wherever in the world they might be.

Very sincerely yours,
XXXXXX


To The Republican:

Dear [Republican's Name],

I am writing to you to discuss the necessity of including a single-payer option in the health care debate (and, hopefully, solution), or, at the very least, a public option.

I grew up in California, but have been fortunate enough to live overseas for a short time in my childhood and for half of my adult life. Having personally experienced the health care systems in the US, France, and Japan (as an adult, responsible for my own health care programs, insurance, doctor/hospital choices, etc.), I can say without question or doubt in my mind that having a single-payer system is the best possible option for the American people. I have had surgeries and hospital stays in the US and Japan, I have visited doctors and specialists in all three countries, I have PAID for insurance in all three countries, and in each of these cases, I assure you that the United States' health insurance and health care system has come in as the least user-friendly, least wallet-friendly, and, most importantly, least available and accessible.

I currently live in Japan (but am registered to vote, and exercise that right, from overseas). Here, I have access to not only the top doctors and hospitals in the country, but these doctors also speak English and their organizations have tie-ins with several major American medical institutions (including Johns Hopkins Medicine International). So, for the cost of about $XXXX per year (an amount based on my income level), I have insurance that I know can never be rescinded; access to almost any doctor in Japan (there are a small number of doctors who cater almost exclusively to the typical expat community, most of whom have private insurance); pay only 30% co-pay (the final amount of which is usually not very much because of the negotiated rates between the government and health service providers) on doctor visits, dentist visits, hospital stays, and prescriptions; and have the comfort of knowing that, no matter how bad my medical condition might be, I won’t have to worry about it also causing debilitating debt.

My family back in the States is struggling with the costs of their individual insurance and I, myself, am afraid to let the costly individual insurance (more than twice what I pay in Japan for far inferior coverage) I have maintained back in the States lapse for fear of never being able to qualify again when I return home. For the time being, I do, in a sense, feel trapped outside the States, unable to return home because of the exorbitant costs as well as the uncertainty of American insurance coverage.

Living overseas, I have come to understand that access to reliable, affordable, quality health care is not a privilege, but a right. Without a single-payer option, the United States Congress and President are letting down their constituents, their neighbors, their family members, their friends… all Americans.

The positive consequences of a single-payer system extend beyond just Americans’ every day lives and health needs. How productive could our country be if people didn’t need to choose between paying the electricity bill and paying their insurance premium? How much more could we contribute to innovation and the global economy if every man, woman, and child in American was assured of their access to a doctor without the risk of being overwhelmed by the costs of such a visit? How much more secure would we be if the people charged with overseeing our airports, seaports, and other entry points didn’t need to worry about a loved one’s illness either bankrupting their family’s coffers or, worse yet, not even being able to get their child the best care because of prohibitively costly fees?

I work at the research arm of the Asian Development Bank in Tokyo and so, through my job, have the opportunity to see the difference developed infrastructure systems can make for economic growth and productivity. Health care is a form of soft infrastructure that is woefully lacking in most of my organization’s member countries. The United States is one of the most developed countries in the world, if not the most developed, and, yet, when it comes to our health care system, we are sadly lagging behind other industrialized countries, putting us at an economic and political disadvantage (Because what besides our health can affect the other parts of our lives so completely?) not only vis-à-vis our developed economic competitors, but even in terms of our competitors in emerging markets.

I urge you, in this letter and with my vote, to support a single-payer health care system in the upcoming behemoth of a debate over how to right this too long-standing wrong. Please take courage, comfort, and support in knowing that there are thousands of other Californians overseas who have shared my experience and who also support a single-payer system.

If you would like to hear specific stories about the health care experiences of Americans overseas, please stop by the blog Americans Abroad Know About National Health Care (http://healthcareforamerica.blogspot.com/).

Thank you for your hard work representing Californians… wherever in the world they might be.

Very sincerely yours,
XXXXXX

Image source originally Air America.

"To Do" Lists

I feel like I'm terrible at organizing my life, even though I somehow still manage to get a lot of my shit taken care of. It kind of boggles my mind, actually--how do I do it? Unlike outside observers, to whom it probably doesn't seem like I do all that much more than any other average Jane walking around on two legs, I know how much clutter takes up space in my brain, so it's a wonder to me that I ever get anything done. (If you've ever seen my room or my episodic dish situation, you know how this mental clutter translates to the physical world.)

Last year, I was good about carrying around a tiny little notebook to write things down in, to make lists in. Eventually, I stopped that. I guess there were too many lists, all put down in one place--it became overwhelming. I forgot to add "Don't get overwhelmed by 'to do lists'" to my list.

Now, I'm heavily dependent on my Google calendar. I'm very anti-PDA (Why would I ever want to be able to know what I'm scheduled to do at any point in the future for my entire life??), but I'm also very "I'm-in-denial-about-all-the-shit-I-need-to-do," so, often, if someone asks me if I'm free to do something, say, four days from then, I'll say, without any cheek, "I'm not sure. Let me check my calendar and get back to you." If I had people, I would definitely be asking them to contact yours (If you had any... which you might, I mean, I don't know who's reading this right now anyway, right? Who am I to make assumptions?).

It's not because I have more to do than any other average Tokyoite, it's just that, I feel like I'm always walking a fine line of being conscious and in the present, and blowing it all off in a "well, fuck it" attitude and running for the hills or a desert island and, if I had that calendar always available, ready to weigh me down with its admonitions of "Don't forget to do X," or "You've got Z at 3pm," then it'd just be too much.

Actually, that second part is so precariously close to the surface that I also have episodic bouts of "desert island mode," one of which finally won out and took me to New Caledonia in April. Only, four days in the tropics weren't really enough. So, I escaped again to Jakarta a couple weekends ago. It was amazing and I could totally see myself living there (on an excellent expat package, of course). But, it's only been two weeks back in the real world and I'm desperate to run and hide again (If I can't see the world, then it can't see me and it won't notice all the stuff I'm not getting done.). It's 'cause my mental "To Do" list is becoming heavy and hard to look at.

I'll be celebrating my 2nd Annual 29th Birthday in less than six months, and I feel like I've got very little, professionally, to show for it. Sure, my experience looks great on paper and, in fact, my job experiences have been pretty darn good in real life, too, but they're not what I had in mind when I tripped up the stairs and hobbled across the stage* in Bender Arena to accept my degree a million (okay, eight) years ago.

Law school has always been in the plans and joining the State Department was high my list of things to get done, but neither of these things has been did. Where did the last eight years go?? What about the last 11?? When did I stop being 18 years old with all the time in the world to get my shit sorted out? I'm not saying I'm ancient (even though I feel that way sometimes when I do have a momentary reality check, "Oh, yeah, shit, I forgot I'm not 18 anymore."), but it just seems like a lot of my peers have gotten their stuff a lot more figured out and even if things can't necessarily be definitively crossed off their lists, they're well on their way to being so.

I did manage to squeeze the foreign service exam in back in 2001, and I even managed to pass it. But after not making the cut in the second round, I never got back to that (plus, ahem, I wasn't a fan of the boss, so that's at least part of my excuse for lagging on that task). I sort of started working on the whole law school angle by training to teach LSAT prep back in 2003, but then I got side-tracked by jaunting off to Paris for a year and some change. Now, as that 2nd Annual 29th looms, I'm starting to get more serious about getting around to the whole law school "to do" (by "serious," read: talking about it more to more people, but still not doing an actual damn thing about it). Talking with Katy when I was in Jakarta helped me figure out a semi-deadline for getting my applications out if I want to start school in the fall of 2010: December 2009. (Cue doom music.) Um, yeah, um... shiiiiiiiit!!! That's just around the corner! Have you noticed that it's already frickin' June?! WTF?!? When did that happen??

See?? See how I always feel like time just got away from me? Is this a problem that affects only me, or do any of you ("Papa, can you hear me?" "Hello, testing, testing. Is this thing on?") feel this way too?

Anyway, lists, to dos, lots, heavy, denial, no time, old, (wow, stream of consciousness is so much faster than writing complete sentences), deadlines, failed deadlines, huh...

Welcome to the inside of my head. Please be careful not trip over that pile of shit to do.


*I had just had my cast off the week before after having broken my foot and sprained my ankle at the same time the week before spring break. Right before I mounted the steps, I joked to my friend behind me, "Wouldn't it suck if I tripped?" Ha! Yes, Irony, I heard you.



h/t to Lauren over at Fighting Liberals for making my year when she shared this video.

Where do we go from here?

Maggie chided me the other day that I hadn't been writing on my blog. Totally true. Then, I found a couple posts that I'd prepped in February that I'd never put up, so I posted them (see two preceding posts). But even those are news-related. Yeah, there's a little of me and my opinion, but nothing about my life in Tokyo in my commentary.

The problem is that Barack Obama took over my life a year ago and, now that I've been posting pretty consistently on issues related to him for a year, I don't know how to get back to posting about me and life in T-town. (I just made that term up; I've never heard anyone use it... probably for a very good reason: it sounds incredibly lame.)

Oh, Barack, where do we go from here? I think that it's time we each went our separate ways. You have a lot of things to deal with, what with your new job and dog and everything, and, well, I need to learn how to be independent again, to make it on my own, without relying on you for all my conversation topics and feel-good talk (by the way, I'm so proud of you for being so generous with the Tamiflu). Know that I will, of course, continue to support you and don't think that I won't be following you on Facebook and in the news... But, I think we both know that this is for the best. It's not you--you're great, you're change, you're hope, you're progress, you're smart... it's me. Try not to let this hamper your work. It will be difficult for me, too, in the beginning, but we both just need to try our hardest to move on. Don't think of this as a break-up--it's not--it's just... it's just the next chapter in our journey together toward a brighter day.

Flix my net = Tax me, please

Editor's note: Yeah, um, same problem with this post as with the last. Sorry, I think my brain took an unauthorized leave of absence from February 'til now.

I so agree with the ideas expressed in this Op-Ed in the New York Times that I'm going to just reproduce the piece in it's entirety here. And add this: Ditto.

Please Raise My Taxes

By REED HASTINGS

Published: February 5, 2009

Los Gatos, Calif.

I’M the chief executive of a publicly traded company and, like my peers, I’m very highly paid. The difference between salaries like mine and those of average Americans creates a lot of tension, and I’d like to offer a suggestion. President Obama should celebrate our success, rather than trying to shame us or cap our pay. But he should also take half of our huge earnings in taxes, instead of the current one-third.

Then, the next time a chief executive earns an eye-popping amount of money, we can cheer that half of it is going to pay for our soldiers, schools and security. Higher taxes on huge pay days can finance opportunity for the next generation of Americans.

Clearly, the efforts over the past few decades to control executive compensation haven’t accomplished much. Improved public disclosure was supposed to shame companies into lowering salaries, and it obviously hasn’t worked. In 1993, President Bill Clinton changed the tax law to effectively cap executives’ salaries at $1 million a year, but that simply drove corporate boards to offer larger bonuses and stock options to attract and keep talent. More recently, “say on pay” proposals would have shareholders opine on their boards’ compensation decisions, but “say and pay” won’t change the fact that luring a top executive away from another company is never easy or cheap.

The reality is that the boards of public companies hate overpaying for anything, including executives. But picking the wrong chief executive is an enormous disaster, so boards are willing to pay an arm and a leg for already proven talent. Putting limits on the salaries at public companies, or trying to shame them into coming down, won’t stop this costly competition for talent.

Of course, it’s galling when a chief executive fails and is still handsomely rewarded. But with the concept of “tax, not shame,” a shocking $20 million severance package would generate $10 million for the government. That’s a far better solution than what we have today, not least because it works with the market rather than against it.

Another advantage is that it would also cover the sometimes huge earnings of hedge fund managers, star athletes, stunning movie stars, venture capitalists and the chief executives of private companies. Surely there is no reason to focus only on executives at publicly traded companies.

This week, President Obama proposed imposing a $500,000 compensation cap on companies seeking a bailout. It’s a terrible idea. We all want the taxpayers’ money returned, and capping compensation at bailout recipients will just make it that much harder for those boards to hire and hold on to the executives who can lead their companies to compete and thrive.

Perhaps a starting place for “tax, not shame” would be creating a top federal marginal tax rate of 50 percent on all income above $1 million per year. Some will tell you that would reduce the incentive to earn but I don’t see that as likely. Besides, half of a giant compensation package is still pretty huge, and most of our motivation is the sheer challenge of the job anyway.

Instead of trying to shame companies and executives, the president should take advantage of our success by using our outsized earnings to pay for the needs of our nation.

Reed Hastings is the chief executive of Netflix.

Meanwhile, in Zimbabwe...

Editor's note: I don't know what the hell happened in my brain in February--I totally had this post and another ready to go and then never posted them. Doh! So, yeah, um, here we go... two months late. Hee hee heee... (awkward trailing off laughter).

The new "Unity" farce, er, I mean, government in Zimbabwe will begin with Morgan Tsvangirai's inauguration as Prime Minister on Wednesday. Mugabe will stay on as President. In Tsvangirai's speech, he plans to call for greater Western support in light of this great step in the Zimbabwean political situation. Currently, most Zimbabweans live a life of bare subsistence and depend heavily on foreign aid for good and medicine (in addition to the food shortage and civil strife that has plagued the country in recent history, last year, a cholera epidemic erupted).

So, while on Wednesday, Tsvangirai will ask for this: "Morgan Tsvangirai will use his inauguration as Zimbabwe’s Prime Minister this week to appeal to the West to fund the rebuilding of his shattered country..."

Coincidentally, Mugabe's 85th birthday is coming up right on the heels of Tsvangirai's inauguation--February 21st, to be exact. And, well, hey, a party is a party, right? No need to let famine and disease spoil your fun! Mugabe's supporters began last week to "solicit" (force with threat of violence) "donations" for his big birthday bash. Just in case you have a couple hundred kilos of caviar laying around, I thought you might like to know where you can send it for a good cause. Here's what's on the birthday party food wish list:

2,000 bottles of champagne — Moët & Chandon and ’61 Bollinger
500 bottles of whisky — Johnny Walker Blue Label, 22-year-old Chivas
8,000 lobsters
100kg king prawns
3,000 ducks
4,000 portions of caviar
8,000 boxes of Ferrero Rocher
16,000 eggs
3,000 cakes — chocolate and vanilla
4,000 packs of pork sausages
500kg cheese
4,000 packets of crackers

This is seriously sick. And I mean that in all senses of the word.

Robin Sparkles for Canadian PM... I'm reconnecting with my love for "How I Met Your Mother"... Update: Canadian Love Manifesto

I love the show "How I Met Your Mother" for many reasons (mainly associated with Barney Stinson), but one stands out: Because making fun of Canada is fun... even for Canadians (because they are cool and know how to make fun of themselves... a quality Americans generally lack when faced with international mocking pressure).

Full disclosure: I'm American, but officially take the stance that Canada totally has it more figured out than America does (universal healthcare; Canadians are biologically engineered to be laid-back and have good comedic timing). However, I also officially take the stance that America has way better TV (exhibits A through C: Degrassi High, Sophie, and Little Mosque on the Prairie... all cool Canadian concepts with cheesy execution [though they do earn back some points because of the Anne of Green Gables miniseries]; exhibits D through F: How I Met Your Mother, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, and 30 Rock... all cool American concepts with awesome execution and Exhibit D makes fun of Canadians while still giving a Canadian character a shot to be on American TV--ever noticed how there are no Canadian characters on US TV? As if the 51st state doesn't exist?) and, because we sent a bunch of missionaries to steal Hawaii, better travel options.

So, a shout out, to the inspiration for many jokes on "How I Met..."--a bridge, really, helping the people of the "two" countries to bond and understand one another despite our many differences:



Further proof of Canada's biologically engineered laid-backness is that they have not declared war on America despite the following things (plus, let's be honest, it's a logical sense of self-preservation because they know that America has a lot more bombs and guns and serial killers--read: anger management issues--and that we're trigger happy and not responsible artillery-owners):

1. The South Park movie is basically open-season on all things Canadian, including the Academy Award-nominated song "Blame Canada."
   
2. Americans making fun of their accents all the time, eh.
3. Things like this post.
4. TV shows like "How I Met Your Mother."
5. Americans making fun of their cheaper currency ("It's like everything's on sale!").
6. TV shows like "The Daily Show."

I love it when smart people are in charge of America

Obama is off to a GREAT start. The latest juicy bit of awesome to come out of the Oval Office (isn't it good when that means something that we don't need to be embarrassed of!) is the White House DIRECTLY calling out the greedy Wall Street a**holes who gave themselves a pat on the back (I'm sure it was one of the football, ass pats) and nice fat bonus checks this past December. Oh, what's that? The economy's tanking? Not if you're a fat cat jerk who spent over $30,000 on a new private bathroom while your company is imploding! I mean, don't these companies have marketing departments? Did they fire them to pay for the potty remodel? Does it really take a genius image consultant to tell you not to do something dumb (with a B) to do that?

Here's a highlight from the post (entitled "Shameful," nice!) on the White House blog (yes, there's a White House blog... how cool is that?!):

One point I want to make is that all of us are going to have responsibilities to get this economy moving again. And when I saw an article today indicating that Wall Street bankers had given themselves $20 billion worth of bonuses -- the same amount of bonuses as they gave themselves in 2004 -- at a time when most of these institutions were teetering on collapse and they are asking for taxpayers to help sustain them, and when taxpayers find themselves in the difficult position that if they don't provide help that the entire system could come down on top of our heads -- that is the height of irresponsibility. It is shameful.

Read the rest of the post here.

Found art... and then I ate it

I bought this last Thursday at Make My Cake bakery in Harlem. Yes, I did... eat this yummy cupcake. I gotta say though, red velvet tastes better than hope. ;)

My second favorite part of the Inauguration

Okay, so the first is OBVIOUS!!

My second favorite part of the inaugural ceremonies was Rev. Lowery's benediction. Here's the video. Amen!


And how's this for coincidence? Rev. Lowery is Happy Dance Man's Grandpa!

POTUS is IN.

My favorite picture from a great photo series on the LA Times website. That's HIS office now.

Keeping things in perspective

So, with all the back and forth and haggling and bartering and contacting people who might know someone who might know someone to get a ticket for one of the inaugural balls, I've been stressing out and acting like a neurotic nincompoop. I've finally got a ticket and I'm still recovering from the emotional ups and downs of "will I or won't I" have a ticket for one the balls at what will surely be the most memorable moment of my life (Hello! Women have babies and get married every day, how many times will Barack Obama become President of the United States for the first time?? Oh, yeah... once!).

But, after all this, regardless of whether I'd been able to get a ticket to an official event, wow, this is going to be a frickin' off the wall, off the hook, holy shize, amazing time.

Meanwhile, in Gaza...

Really bad, serious shit (and, no, there's no point in watching my language on this topic) is still going down and the number of casualties is approaching 1000 (approximately half civilian), with tens of thousands having fled their homes. There is no right party or wrong party in the shitstorm that is going down there, mistakes have been made on all sides (not just between the Israeli government and Hamas)--this includes the US, EU, other Middle East countries, the official government of Palestine, etc. I will make no suggestions or comments on what the core of the problem is or what a solution could be (I mean, if the people who are paid the big bucks to figure this out haven't sorted it yet and people who are living it haven't sorted it yet, what the hell could I offer?), but the least that any of us can do is to follow what's going on and be aware that while, yeah, life goes on (ahem, the Golden Globes?), the life that's going on is not the same everywhere.

So, I've been reading a lot of news, trying to get all sides (which is hard because most foreign press is not allowed in Gaza right now) and following a few blogs, to try to get a more personal perspective on it. The main blog I've been following is East Med Sea Peace; the writer is one of my co-contributors at Global Themes and is an Aussie-Israeli living in Yaffo, Israel. He's a lawyer and a surfer, a blogger and a peace activist, a guitar player and a photographer, and an overall great observer of people.

This is how he usually writes (from a 6 January post about the current conflict):
we are caught in a sandwich.. doomed if we do and damned if we dont.. i think the worst part of this war just like its previous one was the lack of an exit strategy.. there is no elegant way out.. particularly as the parties stall with respect to a truce because no one can agree as to what a truce means.. and duties and prohibitions it comprises..

in the meantime the rockets from gaza have crept northwards.. hitting a baby's face in gadera today..

not only is hamas not ceasing the rockets buts increasing the stakes.. i find it perplexing.. really.. the formula for a hamas victory is simple.. wait till its over and fire a missile.. thats all you have to do.. if you show that you werent crushed you'll win.. so why didnt you do that to begin with.. why drag out this conflict and invite so many thousands of litres of bloodshed..

to my own government i ask - do you believe that this is truly the most responsible way to act? AGAIN - just like last time - where was your UN security council resolution? where was your use of international institutions? where was you effort to engage the world in advance? what benefits did we really gain from this surprise attempt? we could have crushed their skulls anyway with bunker blasters if we wanted to even with advance notice.. so why have we snuck in like theives if we really believe that it is our freedom to defend ourselves that has motivated us?

Thoughtful, balanced, trying to see both sides and open an inclusive discussion (hey, even I chimed in).

This is how he wrote just a few days later:
this is not just news mind you.. i am fuming over the rally situation.. people will tell you about the many many pro gazan protests.. and im fine with people who genuinely care.. many thousands of israelis have partaken in these pro gazan protests as well.. however where the fuck did you all suddenly come out from.. what political coma did you suddenly snap out of?! i would like to remind you that these people were the dance crew of 9/11 that when 3000 innocent people died in ny city palestinians nation wide took to the streets and celebrated.. they didnt protest and demonstrate - they threw candy and flicked tongue.. where were you when hamas was scouring gaza and mass murdering fatah members.. where the FUCK were you?! where was your undeniable sense of justice when they were purely aggressive and where has it disappeared to now that things are more complex and you have a nation returning fire against a terror organisation that has openly stated that it seeks our destruction..
...
DONT GET ME WRONG - i want the killing of people on both sides to stop now! i wish we had chosen a wiser course to respond to the violence from gaza over the past 8 years but its not them im talking about right now.. its you.. yes you the champions of human rights.. the same people who sat and ate dinner every night while darfurians were slaughtered by the hundred every time you chewed.. you'd hear it on the news and then have desert.. and you didnt even stop for a second.. let alone get up and protest..

I know this might sound trite, but I just wanted to give him a hug, somehow it seemed like that could make things just a little better. I can't even come close to imagining what it must be like for anyone who has to deal with this situation right now (beyond how all of us, as world citizens, should be at least acknowledging it). And he's right, where have people been? I don't know, I don't have an answer--just getting on with their own lives, I guess, and who can really be faulted for being human? If we tried to take on all the suffering and heal all the pain in the world, besides having a ridiculous Jesus complex (one that would definitely require medication), we'd all be so frickin' overwhelmed and depressed and cynical and over each other that we'd turn into zombies who didn't give a shit about anyone or anything else. There has to be a point where we have to shut things out and turn the emotions off, otherwise we'd be emotionally crippled by everything we saw.

But, that doesn't mean turn your back, close your eyes and ears, stick your head in the sand and pretend that stuff isn't out there. I guess the least we can do is know what's going on and then pick and choose our battles (small and large) to try to leave the world a better place than how it was when we found it.

My two cents, anyway...

Stay safe and healthy, everyone.

Happy Dance!! Obama Love!

The latest in modern expression... YouTube as an artistic medium (forget oil on canvas or sonnets!). This video pretty much expresses exactly how I feel... RIGHT NOW!!!! Guess who's got a ticket to an inaugural ball!!! Where Obama himself will put in an appearance!!

Even the UN isn't a safe place in Gaza

I'm sure you've been following what's been happening in Gaza in the last 12 days. Now, a UN-run school in Gaza has been hit, killing 30 people inside (including women and children) who had taken shelter under the blue and white flag, hoping that it would protect them. Israel struck the site because it says rockets had been launched from there; Hamas denies that any operations were launched from the site. Who knows who is right? But, either way, even if rockets had been launched from there (rockets, which, by they way, killed no one), was this the appropriate response? And, if rockets were launched from the UN site, who the f**k in Hamas thought that was a good idea?

UPDATE: More than 40 have died as a result of this attack.

Here's the article from the LA Times:


A Hamas rocket strikes an Israeli town less than 20 miles from Tel Aviv. Street battles between Israeli forces and militants continue across the Gaza Strip.

By Ahmed Burai and Jeffrey Fleishman
January 7, 2009

Reporting from Cairo and Gaza City -- Mortar rounds fired by Israeli forces exploded at a United Nations school on Tuesday, killing at least 30 Palestinians who had sought shelter there during a day when Israeli forces pounded deeper into the Gaza Strip and a Hamas rocket struck a town less than 20 miles south of Tel Aviv.

Street battles rumbled across the Palestinian enclave and bloodshed showed no signs of ebbing, despite renewed calls by Arab and European leaders for the U.N. Security Council to demand a cease-fire. International pressure on Israel intensified after Palestinian medical officials reported that 75 Gazans were killed Tuesday as Israeli forces swept into more densely populated areas.

John Ging, the senior U.N. official in Gaza, said 30 Palestinians died and 50 were injured when three artillery shells sprayed shrapnel through the Al Fakhoura School in the Jabaliya refugee camp. Palestinian doctors put the death toll at 37, including women and children.

Hours before, the United Nations said another of its schools in the Shati refugee camp, also in northern Gaza, which had been closed because of the ongoing bloodshed, was hit by an Israeli missile early Tuesday, killing three Palestinian cousins who had taken shelter inside. Hundreds of Gazans have been relying on U.N. buildings as havens amid the fighting between Israeli forces and Hamas militants that began 12 days ago when the Israelis initiated an air barrage designed to halt ongoing rocket attacks by Hamas on southern Israel.

The Israeli army said the school in Jabaliya was targeted after militants launched mortar rounds from its grounds. An army statement said Hamas "terror operatives" Imad Abu Askhar and Hassan Abu Askhar were among the dead.

"We face a very delicate situation where Hamas is using the citizens of Gaza as a protective vest," said Israel Defense Forces spokesman Brig. Gen. Avi Benayahu.

Fawzi Barhoum, a spokesman for the Islamic militant group, denied that his organization was staging attacks from the school and accused Israel of carrying out "an open war on innocent civilians."

Israeli warships battered the coast as troops and tanks, after intense fighting around Gaza City, pushed south to Khan Yunis, where skirmishes continued throughout the day.

Thousands of Gazan families have abandoned their homes, either to flee the front lines of the conflict or because of their proximity to police stations or security forces installations. Those who don't seek safety in public shelters, such as the U.N.-run schools, often shuffle between the homes of relatives.

But even many purely civilian neighborhoods aren't safe because Gaza militants often fire rockets from civilian neighborhoods, and Israel continues to bomb the homes of Hamas commanders and buildings and mosques it believes are used as weapons storehouses. As a result, almost every neighborhood in Gaza is littered with sites that Israel considers legitimate military targets.

The situation is perilous even for those seeking maternity care in Gaza's overloaded hospitals. Pregnant women face the decision whether to deliver at home or risk trying to reach a medical facility where critically injured patients take priority. Gaza City's main Shifa Hospital emptied its maternity ward on the 1st day of the Israeli air assault.

The Israeli offensive has failed to stop the rocket fire from Gaza into Israel. And on Tuesday, a rocket exploded in the town of Gedera, about 25 miles northeast of Gaza. The strike, which injured a baby, was the farthest north yet by a Hamas rocket and the closest to the metropolis of Tel Aviv. That distance means that 1 million Israelis are within range of rockets fired from Gaza, said Micky Rosenfeld, an Israeli police spokesman.

Palestinian medical authorities, meanwhile, reported that shelling from Israeli ships killed at least 10 people and injured 20 others at the Deir al Balah refugee camp. Airstrikes on the Bureij refugee camp killed a father and his three sons, and in Zeitoun south of Gaza City an airstrike killed 13 members of one family.

More than 600 Palestinians have reportedly been killed since Israel began its offensive Dec. 27, according to Gaza hospital authorities. The U.N. says about 25% of the victims have been civilians. Israel announced that another soldier was killed by a shell from one of the Jewish state's own tanks. So far, six Israeli soldiers, including four hit by "friendly fire," have died and four Israeli civilians have been killed by rockets.

"I want to tell the world's leaders something: You are not to sleep, eat or drink until you stop the killing of innocent people in the Gaza Strip," said Ging, adding that 1 million Palestinians were without electricity and 700,000 without water. "There's nowhere safe in Gaza. Everyone is terrorized and traumatized."

In Washington, President-elect Barack Obama expressed concern about casualties on both sides but said he must defer to President Bush until his own inauguration.

"In domestic policy, Democrats, Republicans -- we can have arguments back and forth about what tax policies are going to be," Obama said. "When it comes to international affairs, other countries are looking to see who speaks for America. Right now President George Bush, as president of the United States, speaks on behalf of the U.S. government and the American people when it comes to international affairs."

Arab foreign ministers and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas traveled to the United Nations to urge the Security Council to pass a cease-fire resolution. Abbas, of the Fatah faction, has controlled only the West Bank since Hamas seized control of Gaza in mid-2007.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy traveled to Damascus on Tuesday to ask Syrian President Bashar Assad for help in ending the fighting. A Hamas delegation met in Cairo with Egyptian officials who have been trying to broker a peace deal.

Israeli says it has killed at least 130 militants in recent days and that the number of rockets fired out of Gaza has dropped considerably. At least 15 rockets were fired Tuesday, and the Izzidin al-Qassam Brigade, the military wing of Hamas, announced that one of its suicide bombers had attacked an Israeli tank.

"We hope this fighting will be a swift episode," said Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert. "We have no interest to endlessly drag it on."

He said Israel does not expect the international community to be tolerant of the offensive but added that "there is no other alternative -- and this is how things need to be done."

Hospitals across Gaza remained overwhelmed, with dwindling supplies and patients stacked in crowded rooms. Doctors said equipment and medicine were being held up at border crossings from Egypt and Israel. Israel's control of the roads and its bisecting of Gaza into fighting zones have made it increasingly difficult for severely wounded Palestinians to be transported outside the enclave for treatment.

"We've never seen so many cases in the operating room at once," said Dr. Hassan Khalaf, director of Shifa Hospital. "Can you even imagine that we are conducting three and sometimes more operations in a single room at the same time. This is really catastrophic."

Abdel Malik Jaber, director of Gaza's telecommunications company, sent a text message alerting journalists that the company may no longer be able to power its generators.

"If we don't receive more fuel within 48 hours," the message said, "the communications networks will completely stop."

Tamer al Sultan said he and his 19-year-old brother, Hussein, had sought shelter in the Shati refugee camp school. He said an explosion struck shortly after midnight as Hussein and his two cousins were returning from the bathroom. "It wasn't really big, but it was enough to kill my brother and cousins," Sultan said. "We fled our homes because of the airstrikes. We thought this place would be safe, but it seems there is no safe place in Gaza today."

jeffrey.fleishman@latimes.com

Burai is a special correspondent. Times staff writers Geraldine Baum at the United Nations and Ashraf Khalil in Jerusalem and special correspondent Rushdi abu Alouf in Gaza City contributed to this report.